Mustard Seed...that has become my new nickname. Disappointment has hit. I'm on the waitlist for Vanderbilt. My dream that I always wanted is now hanging on to a thread and out of my control.This means that I will only get in if someone declines the job. Goodbye Nashville, Hello Norwalk. The first day I found out I was not ok. I was angry at God. I want things my way because I seem to think that I know what's best for my life. I wanted to move to Nashville. I wanted to live with Meg. This is not fair. So what about the mustard seed?
"He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20
My faith has not been like a mustard seed. I have been so doubtful of what God can do. I wanted to sit and mope about my loss, but then God made me realize this is not the end of the world. I am being so selfish. He is the ALMIGHTY GOD and I am doubting Him? I have life, I can breathe, I have an incredible family, this is nothing close to the end of the world. I'm beginning to realize what a blessing it is to be at the will of God. He has total control over my life at this point in time and the more I think about it the more excited I become. He knows the big picture and He will be faithful no matter where I end up. I've decided to take that faith of a mustard seed. I want to be totally dependent on Christ alone and I know that He will pull through, even if that means no Nashville. I serve a might God and I am excited to see where He takes me from here!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Disappointment
I know alot about disappointment. It happens to be my biggest fear, and yet something I'm all too familiar with. I remember my first encounter with disappointment. I was 4 years old and I was sitting on a table sobbing at preschool as my teacher was explaining to me that I was not randomly chosen to be the angel in the school play. See Megan got to be the angel the two years before and so I automatically thought that applied to me too. I remember that pain very clearly. Unfortunately disappointment continued to follow me in life. Amy was a star in the 8th grade play and I wanted to be just like her so I tried out as well, I didn't make. I once again battled disappointments and felt like a failure. Going into high school I again got another one on one with disappointment, this time it was the musical. Once again Amy and Megan had gotten large roles in the musical before and I wanted to be like them. I wanted to show everyone that I was just like my sisters. I remember that moment so well and my friends had to come find me in the bathroom and take me to the office because I was so devastated that I had not even made the musical as an extra. I didn't understand why I wasn't making it. I took this disappointment as a blow to my self esteem. I wasn't good enough. I wasn't as good as my sisters. What was wrong with me and who am I were questions that filled my head. I picked my self off the floor and life went on. I accepted the defeat. I tried to ind things that I loved and that I was good at. When I was twelve years old I felt a call towards missions. I was pretty sure that God was talking to me and I was so amazed because this was something that was my own. My sisters had never declared this calling. Finally I was figuring out who I was and I wasn't facing disappointment. Then I decided to follow this dream and passion of mine to Mali. I thought that I was strong enough and everyone was so proud of me. I remember being on my knees in Mali sobbing because this time I wasn't the one facing a disappointment, I was the disappointment. I felt like I had failed. The one thing that I had so much passion for and I had failed. Why was God doing this to me. I thought I was in full surrender to Him. Once again I had no idea who I was anymore. This dream that I had always had felt like it was crumbling in my hands. I failed.
So here I sit two days after my first real life career interview terrified. Am I going to face the disappointment again. Am I going to disappoint people again. I tried my hardest, I tried to show them who I am, and yet I am still terrified to know the outcome. All of those emotions from previous disappointments are flowing back and I don't even find out if I get the job until April. But this time I want it to be different. I turn to His word and remember
"This I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lords great love we not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him'"
I serve a great God, and he has great plans for my life. No i never got to be the angel in my preschool play, and I never got to be the lead role in a musical or play, but God opened other doors and he is fulfilling his purpose in other ways in my life. Do I want this job? More than anything, but I will be OK if I don't get it. It's not a failure, its a closed door, but through that closed door God will open a window and it will be even better than I could have ever imagined.
So here I sit two days after my first real life career interview terrified. Am I going to face the disappointment again. Am I going to disappoint people again. I tried my hardest, I tried to show them who I am, and yet I am still terrified to know the outcome. All of those emotions from previous disappointments are flowing back and I don't even find out if I get the job until April. But this time I want it to be different. I turn to His word and remember
"This I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lords great love we not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him'"
I serve a great God, and he has great plans for my life. No i never got to be the angel in my preschool play, and I never got to be the lead role in a musical or play, but God opened other doors and he is fulfilling his purpose in other ways in my life. Do I want this job? More than anything, but I will be OK if I don't get it. It's not a failure, its a closed door, but through that closed door God will open a window and it will be even better than I could have ever imagined.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
8 months later- I'm just not ready yet
So I realized today that it has been 8 months since my trip to Mali and I really have missed writing blogs. I've decided to pick it back up and write about my journey to making it to the missions field. Mali really broke me. I was hit hard with the reality of what serving God is like in Africa. When I arrived home I felt really broken and really defeated. I was so hard on myself for feeling as if I failed. I had many a conversations with God saying you got the wrong person and even doubted that God called me which made me doubt my relationship with Christ. I hate to admit that I was bitter about my trip to Mali and the emotions that I experienced. I felt out of place and unwanted. God had recently started working on my heart and showing me the lessons He taught me while I was in Mali. I am so selfish, and I'm not sure if I was completely ready for a place like Mali. I wanted to serve God but my heart was not where it should be. I still am fighting this battle today. I know in my heart that I am called to missions and that God placed that calling on my life for a reason, but I'm battling it. When I returned from Mali I wanted to move on with my life and give up on missions. It hard and scary, and I was lonely and insecure, but God is reminding me everyday that serving him isn't easy and He never promised that it would be. So I say that I am still battling this bc I am still not ready to surrender that to God. I know the calling on my life, but I'm still selfish and I'm fighting that calling. I hate to admit that, but I also can't lie about it either. I know that someday I will be ready to surrender, but I'm not ready yet. I'm selfish. I look at my family and friends and home and say I'm not ready to give this up yet and I'm sorry. God is still working in me everyday and I know that I want to serve him. I'm sorry for being honest and for being selfish. I'm just not ready yet, but I know and pray that someday I will be.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Home Sweet Home
Two days later and I have finally made it home!! What a crazy and yet amazing adventure.
Yesterday I took 12 showers in the Paris hotel because I was sooo cold. The heat in my hotel was not working and I couldn't figure it out. Finally I started to look around for the heat vent and I finally found it...way up by the ceiling. Of course I was cold because hot air rises...come on France. So anyways I finally wake up at 4:45am and give up on the whole sleeping thing and take yet another shower to warm up. When I got out of the shower I realized that I had accidentally gotten my only sweatshirt wet...so now I would have to adventure the day in a t-shirt(at least I took an airplane blanket). I find it ironic that I was in the fashion capital of the world and I had on a t-shirt, jeans and flip flops...with socks!:). So I finally ate by lovely french breakfast at the hotel(it was good) and got back on the shuttle to try and find the right terminal. Praise Jesus that I'm really good at asking questions now and I was able to find my way. Security was not bad, I had no wait and I made my way to the terminal and began to wait for my flight. At this point I'm pretty sure airplanes hate me because once again my flight was going to be delayed...and once again I was going to miss my connecting flight in Newark. Well it was delayed 2 hours, but I did meet a very nice couple from Kenya. We talked for a long time, they were so nice. Finally it was time to board the plane and while I was waiting (they were frisking everyone...so it took a while), I met a lady who was also on my next flight to Cleveland. She was so sweet and I will tell you more about her later. So I finally get on my flight and 8 hours later arrive in Newark(Yeah). I go through border control then go to get my bags(which never showed up and I learned are still in Paris)and then I went through customs. I finally realized when I got to customs that my plane was boarding so I needed to get there fast(this was my other rescheduled flight because I did miss my original connecting flight. I ended up running through the airport and finally did make it. Luckily there was no one on the plane and so I was able to switch seats and sit by the lady I met earlier. I learned that she is an ER nurse at Metro hospital in Cleveland and I showed her all of my pictures. She was really excited to see everything and then she began to tell me about how I should apply at their hospital for the summer and that she would put in a good word for me...isn't God so good. Just think if I would have made my original flight I would never have met her. The flight went so fast as I was talking with this lady, but I was so excited to see my parents. I headed down to baggage claim and of course no bags, so I went to make a claim and then headed out the door(my parents were late because of snow) Finally I got to hop in the car and we went out to eat. I never have appreciated home so much in my life. It is so good to be back. Praise Jesus for a safe trip home. As hard as this trip was I wouldn't change anything. I have learned so many hard, but good life lessons and God has allowed me to meet some amazing people along the way. I can't believe that this is going to be my last post...I actually have enjoyed posting and will miss it. Thank you everyone who supported me in prayer, it was well needed and accepted. God has done some amazing things, and I can't wait to see where He takes me from here. : )
Yesterday I took 12 showers in the Paris hotel because I was sooo cold. The heat in my hotel was not working and I couldn't figure it out. Finally I started to look around for the heat vent and I finally found it...way up by the ceiling. Of course I was cold because hot air rises...come on France. So anyways I finally wake up at 4:45am and give up on the whole sleeping thing and take yet another shower to warm up. When I got out of the shower I realized that I had accidentally gotten my only sweatshirt wet...so now I would have to adventure the day in a t-shirt(at least I took an airplane blanket). I find it ironic that I was in the fashion capital of the world and I had on a t-shirt, jeans and flip flops...with socks!:). So I finally ate by lovely french breakfast at the hotel(it was good) and got back on the shuttle to try and find the right terminal. Praise Jesus that I'm really good at asking questions now and I was able to find my way. Security was not bad, I had no wait and I made my way to the terminal and began to wait for my flight. At this point I'm pretty sure airplanes hate me because once again my flight was going to be delayed...and once again I was going to miss my connecting flight in Newark. Well it was delayed 2 hours, but I did meet a very nice couple from Kenya. We talked for a long time, they were so nice. Finally it was time to board the plane and while I was waiting (they were frisking everyone...so it took a while), I met a lady who was also on my next flight to Cleveland. She was so sweet and I will tell you more about her later. So I finally get on my flight and 8 hours later arrive in Newark(Yeah). I go through border control then go to get my bags(which never showed up and I learned are still in Paris)and then I went through customs. I finally realized when I got to customs that my plane was boarding so I needed to get there fast(this was my other rescheduled flight because I did miss my original connecting flight. I ended up running through the airport and finally did make it. Luckily there was no one on the plane and so I was able to switch seats and sit by the lady I met earlier. I learned that she is an ER nurse at Metro hospital in Cleveland and I showed her all of my pictures. She was really excited to see everything and then she began to tell me about how I should apply at their hospital for the summer and that she would put in a good word for me...isn't God so good. Just think if I would have made my original flight I would never have met her. The flight went so fast as I was talking with this lady, but I was so excited to see my parents. I headed down to baggage claim and of course no bags, so I went to make a claim and then headed out the door(my parents were late because of snow) Finally I got to hop in the car and we went out to eat. I never have appreciated home so much in my life. It is so good to be back. Praise Jesus for a safe trip home. As hard as this trip was I wouldn't change anything. I have learned so many hard, but good life lessons and God has allowed me to meet some amazing people along the way. I can't believe that this is going to be my last post...I actually have enjoyed posting and will miss it. Thank you everyone who supported me in prayer, it was well needed and accepted. God has done some amazing things, and I can't wait to see where He takes me from here. : )
Thursday, January 7, 2010
The day I got stuck in Paris.
So beginning last night was probably one of the most stressful times of my life. I know I'm in Paris, which should be exciting, but when all you want to do is just go home, it's not fun.
This is how my day has gone. Last night we woke up at 1:30am and headed to the airport(One of the missionarie's sister and brother-in-law were on my flight as well). When we were going through immigration there was a couple there who were trying to get this little girl on the plane. The police official was resisting because they did not have any record that the little girl was theirs. Kinda scary but they did finally get through and took the girl as well. We also saw many couples who were bringing their new adopted child home as well, so great to see their excitement. We finally got to the terminal at 2:30am. In Mali there is only one terminal, so it gets quite chaotic. While we waited all I wanted to do was get on the computer and call my parents so that I could apologize for my poor attitude the night before. I will be honest and say that I did not handle the news well that I would not be going home the next day. I was very frustrated as all I really wanted was to be home. So after we waited for a while we finally found a really nice man who spoke English(yeah!!) He helped translate everything for us and we finally made it on the plane. We were scheduled to take off at 4:15am, but that did not really happen until about 5:30am. I was stuck in the middle of the plane with a family who did not speak any English. I tried my best to speak some french, but it wasn't really working to well. Finally we arrived in Paris and I had no idea what to expect. The night before my dad had switched my flight so that I would fly out a day later. This was the earliest flight that he was able to get. This meant that I would be staying in Paris for a whole 24 hours alone. Kinda exciting but also a little scary. My dad had told me that I would need to find the ticket counter and try and get compensated for the missed flight by asking for a free hotel stay. I absolutely hate doing this, but with only 2 hours of sleep in 2 days I was just ready to go to bed.
I got in line for Air France and waited my turn. While I was waiting I met a very nice Nigerian man who was on his way back to Nigeria for his father's funeral. He has also missed his flight and was very upset. I felt even more guilty for being upset that i missed my flight, I'm so selfish, when this man had a real reason to be upset. I finally made it up to the counter and all the lady did was tell me that It wasn't her fault and said that I needed to go to another terminal. For any of you who have never been in The Charles De Gaulle Airport, it is awful. There are all these different shuttles that you have to take to get to different terminals. So I jumped on the terminal and went to where she told me to go, it was wrong, so back onto the shuttle I go. I finally made it to the continental terminal and the man leads me down this really long hallway and no one from continental was there. I went back to the shuttle stop and tried to ask a man if he knew where I should go. This is where a mini break down began to happen again and no one who worked in the airport knew where anything was.Finally I headed back to the Air France counter and waited my turn. This time I was prepared to fight. Don't worry I was nice, but the tears did make their way out and I left with my hotel ticket. Now I had to find the shuttle to take to the hotel. It amazed me how many people I had to depend on while in Paris to help me find things, that airport is so confusing. Finally after asking many very nice people I finally found my way to the shuttle(5 hours later). A very nice American business man even let me borrow his phone to call my parents and tell them I was still alive. Now I am just enjoying alone time in my hotel room. I even took a bath!! If only I had more time during the day or I would have gone exploring. I will be so very thankful to finally make it home tomorrow. God has been good and provided strength through this all, and once again I have learned many new lessons through him. I need to get a good night sleep...home tomorrow!!
This is how my day has gone. Last night we woke up at 1:30am and headed to the airport(One of the missionarie's sister and brother-in-law were on my flight as well). When we were going through immigration there was a couple there who were trying to get this little girl on the plane. The police official was resisting because they did not have any record that the little girl was theirs. Kinda scary but they did finally get through and took the girl as well. We also saw many couples who were bringing their new adopted child home as well, so great to see their excitement. We finally got to the terminal at 2:30am. In Mali there is only one terminal, so it gets quite chaotic. While we waited all I wanted to do was get on the computer and call my parents so that I could apologize for my poor attitude the night before. I will be honest and say that I did not handle the news well that I would not be going home the next day. I was very frustrated as all I really wanted was to be home. So after we waited for a while we finally found a really nice man who spoke English(yeah!!) He helped translate everything for us and we finally made it on the plane. We were scheduled to take off at 4:15am, but that did not really happen until about 5:30am. I was stuck in the middle of the plane with a family who did not speak any English. I tried my best to speak some french, but it wasn't really working to well. Finally we arrived in Paris and I had no idea what to expect. The night before my dad had switched my flight so that I would fly out a day later. This was the earliest flight that he was able to get. This meant that I would be staying in Paris for a whole 24 hours alone. Kinda exciting but also a little scary. My dad had told me that I would need to find the ticket counter and try and get compensated for the missed flight by asking for a free hotel stay. I absolutely hate doing this, but with only 2 hours of sleep in 2 days I was just ready to go to bed.
I got in line for Air France and waited my turn. While I was waiting I met a very nice Nigerian man who was on his way back to Nigeria for his father's funeral. He has also missed his flight and was very upset. I felt even more guilty for being upset that i missed my flight, I'm so selfish, when this man had a real reason to be upset. I finally made it up to the counter and all the lady did was tell me that It wasn't her fault and said that I needed to go to another terminal. For any of you who have never been in The Charles De Gaulle Airport, it is awful. There are all these different shuttles that you have to take to get to different terminals. So I jumped on the terminal and went to where she told me to go, it was wrong, so back onto the shuttle I go. I finally made it to the continental terminal and the man leads me down this really long hallway and no one from continental was there. I went back to the shuttle stop and tried to ask a man if he knew where I should go. This is where a mini break down began to happen again and no one who worked in the airport knew where anything was.Finally I headed back to the Air France counter and waited my turn. This time I was prepared to fight. Don't worry I was nice, but the tears did make their way out and I left with my hotel ticket. Now I had to find the shuttle to take to the hotel. It amazed me how many people I had to depend on while in Paris to help me find things, that airport is so confusing. Finally after asking many very nice people I finally found my way to the shuttle(5 hours later). A very nice American business man even let me borrow his phone to call my parents and tell them I was still alive. Now I am just enjoying alone time in my hotel room. I even took a bath!! If only I had more time during the day or I would have gone exploring. I will be so very thankful to finally make it home tomorrow. God has been good and provided strength through this all, and once again I have learned many new lessons through him. I need to get a good night sleep...home tomorrow!!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
They have a zoo in Mali?
So today I went to the zoo. Yes, in Africa I went to the zoo. It was actually a really fun experience. I've realized how not fun the states is, I mean come on it's a wild animal, how bad could it be if it got lose? : ) So anyways, we got to pet the elephants and got really close to a lion and a monkey and it was amazing. The zoo at home will never be the same.
After the zoo we went to eat at another missionaries house. It was a good time of fellowship and then we decided to check the status of our flight that was suppose to leave at 11:45pm. That would be when we discovered that it was delayed and not expected to come in until 1:30am. I tryed to remain calm and realized all would be fine and I would still make my next flight to the US the next morning. Two hours later we checked again...now our plane will not be leaving until 4:30am. This means that I will not be making my flight to the US tomorrow. My parents tell me that God is trying to prepare me for the future now all in one trip...a flat tire, a missed flight, loniness. I'm a little scared to think about what else could possibly happen. Oh well, this is where I have to bust out the positive attitude and know that God had got this all under control once again. Wish me luck and hopefully next time I write I will be on my way home.!
After the zoo we went to eat at another missionaries house. It was a good time of fellowship and then we decided to check the status of our flight that was suppose to leave at 11:45pm. That would be when we discovered that it was delayed and not expected to come in until 1:30am. I tryed to remain calm and realized all would be fine and I would still make my next flight to the US the next morning. Two hours later we checked again...now our plane will not be leaving until 4:30am. This means that I will not be making my flight to the US tomorrow. My parents tell me that God is trying to prepare me for the future now all in one trip...a flat tire, a missed flight, loniness. I'm a little scared to think about what else could possibly happen. Oh well, this is where I have to bust out the positive attitude and know that God had got this all under control once again. Wish me luck and hopefully next time I write I will be on my way home.!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Life Lesson's Learned in Africa: How to change a flat tire
So today was yet another adventure in Africa. We started out the day at 7 when I woke up to say goodbye to the team that I have been staying with the last few days. It was actually rather emotional as these people have been such an answer to prayer and have become almost family to me in 2 days. Last night before going to bed all of the women on the team just surrounded me with prayer and continued to encourage me. It was a great time of prayer, God really knew what he was doing.
Anyways back to today, so we ended up actually getting on the road around 9:15/9:30ish and started out adventure to Bamako. Once again there were 12 people in the van including 5 children all under the age of 4. About 2 hours into the trip we arrived in Segou. This is where we did some touristy things such as painting mud cloth. This is really cool, they have a special kind of fabric where you paint mud onto it and then wash it and it turn the fabric different colors. Its really neat. After painting we then went to order our food and began to go out to the market for souvenirs. This is always really intimidating to me because I hate bartering but the missionaries helped and I got some great things to take home. After shopping we ate some lunch and then packed back into the car to start the next 4 hour trip home. Well we only wish it took 4 hours to get back. About 2 hours after we left Segou, we were driving and all of a sudden we heard a loud popping noise. Yep it was our tire, so we try to pull to the side of the road. Well some how on our way down a hill the front of our car hit the dirt and stopped, we couldn't move it so now we had a flat tire and a car that was stuck in the dirt. We pile out and I tried to round up the 5 children and took them back into the bush trying to find shade. I'm pretty sure all of the Malians who drove by just laughed at us American's saying how many American's does it take to change a tire, well the answer to that is 4. Finally a car full of Malians stopped and tried to help. They were trying to coach the missionary through trying to get the car at least unstuck from the dirt, but they just finally told him to get out of the car and then a Malian man proceeded to drive the car out...with no problem...you might of had to be there but it was hilarious. So now we could finally start working on changing the flat. An hour and 4 American's later we finally got the tire fixed. We started on our way again trying to find a place to get a new tire. We stopped in another little town and our care was bombarded with African children. They were so interested in us, but I kind of felt like a fish in a fish tank as they all crowed around the car staring at us. By the time we left this town is was going on 6pm. This is a bad thing here in Mali because the sun goes down at about 6:30pm and apparently it is illegal to drive on the road at night because they are so bad. The next 2 1/2 hours consisted of hungry kids yelling and crying and puking. Yes, the roads are bumpy here which doesn't really mix well with a 2 year old's stomach and so he started to get car sick. We all were trying to scramble around and clean up the mess all with the light of a lap top computer screen. Finally we have made it to Bamako and everything is good:). It was quite the adventure.
Now I am sitting in the same room where I began my journey two and a half weeks ago. It really did go fast, but I have learned so much in these past few weeks I wouldn't change this experience for anything. I have been challenged and stretched farther than ever before in my life, but because of this trip I have fallen deeper and deeper in love with my Savior. He is such an incredible God. I look back at all of the things I went through and all of the things I have experienced and all I can say is Praise Jesus. Last night as I was praying with my new friends one of the girls was talking to me about my experiences and she said something that really hit me hard and I honestly had not thought about it. Satan has been working, the minute I stepped in the car to go to Koutiala he started attacking. He knew just where to strike and he did so by making me feel inadequate for this work. This whole trip I honestly was beginning to question my call to missions.I felt like God had made a big mistake calling me to come on this trip. It's hard work to be here, and I felt like I was failing miserably, but I look back and I see that was Satan attacking. God doesn't make mistakes and I know that he placed that call on my life to serve him overseas. Satan was scared,he wanted to make this trip as miserable as possible for me so that I will turn away and not share the love of Christ with others. All I can say is my God is so much bigger and better and WE have won this battle. I choose to stand in Christ, no matter what obstacles stand in my way. I will patiently wait on the Lord as I still am not sure where he wants me, but that will come in time.
I want to share with you some of the little ways that God has been working while I have been here. One of the biggest things that I was dealing with before leaving on this trip was fear. I don't like to be by myself and I don't always like to meet new people when I'm all alone. I had so much fear of the unknown before coming. I learned to lean on Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you;do not be dismayed, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you;I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." When I stepped on that airplane in Cleveland the fear was gone. I even lived in a house by myself in Africa for 2 whole weeks without any fear(I was the only person on the whole compound for a week during new years). Now if you know me, then you would know that I have never even stayed in my house in the US by myself(I know once again shameful).I would always call a friend to come stay with me because I hated being by myself and honestly I was scared(I know I'm 21 years old but still). I usually have a lot of fear when it comes to staying by myself, but God truly was holding me the whole time and the fear has been gone. I'm telling you we serve such a MIGHTY God.
I thank you so much for all of you who have been my prayer warriors while I was gone. I have felt your prayers in so many different ways. God is so wonderful. Tomorrow is my last day in Mali as I fly out at 10:30 tomorrow night. I will try to keep you informed of my journey home. God Bless!
Anyways back to today, so we ended up actually getting on the road around 9:15/9:30ish and started out adventure to Bamako. Once again there were 12 people in the van including 5 children all under the age of 4. About 2 hours into the trip we arrived in Segou. This is where we did some touristy things such as painting mud cloth. This is really cool, they have a special kind of fabric where you paint mud onto it and then wash it and it turn the fabric different colors. Its really neat. After painting we then went to order our food and began to go out to the market for souvenirs. This is always really intimidating to me because I hate bartering but the missionaries helped and I got some great things to take home. After shopping we ate some lunch and then packed back into the car to start the next 4 hour trip home. Well we only wish it took 4 hours to get back. About 2 hours after we left Segou, we were driving and all of a sudden we heard a loud popping noise. Yep it was our tire, so we try to pull to the side of the road. Well some how on our way down a hill the front of our car hit the dirt and stopped, we couldn't move it so now we had a flat tire and a car that was stuck in the dirt. We pile out and I tried to round up the 5 children and took them back into the bush trying to find shade. I'm pretty sure all of the Malians who drove by just laughed at us American's saying how many American's does it take to change a tire, well the answer to that is 4. Finally a car full of Malians stopped and tried to help. They were trying to coach the missionary through trying to get the car at least unstuck from the dirt, but they just finally told him to get out of the car and then a Malian man proceeded to drive the car out...with no problem...you might of had to be there but it was hilarious. So now we could finally start working on changing the flat. An hour and 4 American's later we finally got the tire fixed. We started on our way again trying to find a place to get a new tire. We stopped in another little town and our care was bombarded with African children. They were so interested in us, but I kind of felt like a fish in a fish tank as they all crowed around the car staring at us. By the time we left this town is was going on 6pm. This is a bad thing here in Mali because the sun goes down at about 6:30pm and apparently it is illegal to drive on the road at night because they are so bad. The next 2 1/2 hours consisted of hungry kids yelling and crying and puking. Yes, the roads are bumpy here which doesn't really mix well with a 2 year old's stomach and so he started to get car sick. We all were trying to scramble around and clean up the mess all with the light of a lap top computer screen. Finally we have made it to Bamako and everything is good:). It was quite the adventure.
Now I am sitting in the same room where I began my journey two and a half weeks ago. It really did go fast, but I have learned so much in these past few weeks I wouldn't change this experience for anything. I have been challenged and stretched farther than ever before in my life, but because of this trip I have fallen deeper and deeper in love with my Savior. He is such an incredible God. I look back at all of the things I went through and all of the things I have experienced and all I can say is Praise Jesus. Last night as I was praying with my new friends one of the girls was talking to me about my experiences and she said something that really hit me hard and I honestly had not thought about it. Satan has been working, the minute I stepped in the car to go to Koutiala he started attacking. He knew just where to strike and he did so by making me feel inadequate for this work. This whole trip I honestly was beginning to question my call to missions.I felt like God had made a big mistake calling me to come on this trip. It's hard work to be here, and I felt like I was failing miserably, but I look back and I see that was Satan attacking. God doesn't make mistakes and I know that he placed that call on my life to serve him overseas. Satan was scared,he wanted to make this trip as miserable as possible for me so that I will turn away and not share the love of Christ with others. All I can say is my God is so much bigger and better and WE have won this battle. I choose to stand in Christ, no matter what obstacles stand in my way. I will patiently wait on the Lord as I still am not sure where he wants me, but that will come in time.
I want to share with you some of the little ways that God has been working while I have been here. One of the biggest things that I was dealing with before leaving on this trip was fear. I don't like to be by myself and I don't always like to meet new people when I'm all alone. I had so much fear of the unknown before coming. I learned to lean on Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you;do not be dismayed, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you;I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." When I stepped on that airplane in Cleveland the fear was gone. I even lived in a house by myself in Africa for 2 whole weeks without any fear(I was the only person on the whole compound for a week during new years). Now if you know me, then you would know that I have never even stayed in my house in the US by myself(I know once again shameful).I would always call a friend to come stay with me because I hated being by myself and honestly I was scared(I know I'm 21 years old but still). I usually have a lot of fear when it comes to staying by myself, but God truly was holding me the whole time and the fear has been gone. I'm telling you we serve such a MIGHTY God.
I thank you so much for all of you who have been my prayer warriors while I was gone. I have felt your prayers in so many different ways. God is so wonderful. Tomorrow is my last day in Mali as I fly out at 10:30 tomorrow night. I will try to keep you informed of my journey home. God Bless!
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