Merry Christmas Eve!! I have to say we serve a good good God. This trip has been a very challenging one for me. At times I have no idea why I'm here or what I'm suppose to be doing, but God is slowly revealing that to me. When I was talking to my roommate from school the other day she reminded me of a verse that I desperately needed to hear, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 its says, "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
I am so weak, that's what I need to admit. I came here thinking that I knew what I wanted and I had my own little plan, hoping that was God's plan too. This experience has humbled me in so many ways. I know that I am weak and I am willing to admit it. I am so inadequate for this work, because I have not been stepping aside to let God do his work. I have been so selfish and stubborn trying to figure everything out on my own. Tonight I was convicted of this and that is why I admit that I am weak. Without Christ I don't have the strength to be here, I don't have the strength to do this, but through Christ all things are possible. In my weakness (as a young immature 21 year old trying to figure life out), God will become stronger. When I fully surrender and let go of this selfishness and pride, then I will be strong because I will be strong in him. Now your probably wondering how this attitude change has come about, and I apologize for the attitude that I have had. Well tonight was Christmas Eve and Olive and I got invited to a missionary couple's house(Joe and Mary) who serve in the rural village, but are currently here recovering from an injury. We went over to their house and sat down to eat our feast. Mary then started talking to me about Christmas and she began to poor her wisdom into me. Olive and her both shared with me hard experiences that they have had being missionaries at Christmas and they let me know that they were once where I am currently at. All night I was able to be discipled by these two wonderful women. They truly are women of God and God is revealing the purpose of this trip through them. I am here to grow in Him through these people. I have been broken down on this trip, searching for my purpose and God showed up through my weakness. He has blessed me so much by providing great examples of himself through these women. They have shown me how to live my life. The biggest lesson that God taught me tonight was through a simple question, Where is my foundation? Is it in Christ, or is it in myself. Before tonight I wouldn't answer this question because I didn't like the answer. I said my foundation was in Christ, but my life and my attitude was not representing that 100%. I wasn't fully surrendering to Christ and allowing him to work through me however he pleases. I have been so selfish and prideful. But after tonight I am choosing to boast in my weakness, because I have knocked down that foundation I was building that revolved around me and I choose to put my foundation in him. I'm ready to love and serve with his attitude and his love, not my own. I say I am weak,but He is strong!
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When you get back, you've got to read the biography of Gladys Aylward (There are several, from child to adult reading level) and see the movie "The Inn of the Sixth Happiness". (Sharon Ramsey has it on video; she had me find it for her on ebay.) Your post sounds like Gladys exactly. She was the most unlikely candidate for a missionary, was turned down by a missionary society, and went to China on her own with no resources (went on a train by herself through a war zone and became a POW) to be discipled by and to replace a retiring missionary. She was a person with no talents or skills in herself, not even a missions degree, but she became one of the most legendary missionaries of all time. Point of story: Only when you come to the end of yourself and realize your inability is God able to use you greatly.
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